These stories shed light on the stuggles and triumphs of single parents in our community. We hope to build a bridge between single parent homes and the general public

I was married for 4 years before becoming a single parent. Growing up in a Christian family you’re always told it’s wrong to get a divorce, but I had to do it to give my child a better life. I found out my husband was cheating on me and couldn’t stand by and think it was going to be a healthy environment for my daughter....

I've been a single parent for about a year now.

Have a 3-year-old little girl. I don’t think there’s just one greatest challenge to doing this, it's multiple put together. It was definitely hard being put in a position where you’re alone again and having to figure out a way to provide for the two of you without relying on anyone else. Disciplining becomes harder too just because the child doesn’t entirely get what’s going on they’ll start to show their emotions by retaliation and tantrums especially if you’re trying to co-parent it’ll be difficult if one parent is saying yes to something and the other is saying no. I think another big challenge for me was the guilt. I felt like my decision tore the family apart even though it wasn’t my fault I had to constantly remind myself this is what was best for her and me. No child deserves to grow up in an environment where the parents hate each other, never a good example to show.

I think the most positive thing I’ve gotten out of this is the bond I grew with my daughter. We’re our own team, a total package if you may. It’s taught me a lot to be selfless and patient. Definitely matures you as a person because you’re really not thinking about yourself, your whole life revolves around this child.

I think it’s completely changed me as a person. I’m happy now like genuinely happy, my priorities are different, even my image changed (total soccer mom). I became a single mom at a young age, so I had to put a halt on certain things like going out, even setting boundaries for myself.

My support system is definitely my family and friends. It’s crazy to see that they’ve stood by me through this whole process. I definitely don’t know where I’d be without my parents.

Usually days go by pretty simply, we’ll wake up, make breakfast together, do some crafts, watch cartoons, etc. and then bedtime stories.

My advice is, stay positive, your child and life reflect on your emotions whether you became a single parent by choice or not. You owe it to yourself to be happy and make the best of it. Remember to show your child love and discipline because you’re carrying the role of a father and mother in one. Don’t try to lean on just yourself to reach out to single parents or family, it’s easier when you’ve got someone in your corner and don’t let the fear of getting back out there stop you from doing so.

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How long have you been a single parent?

I am no longer but was for 4 years.

How many children do you have, and how old are they?

At the time just a 3 year old. Now I have a stepson who is 17, my son who is 15, and a new son who is 4....



What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

Feeling alone. First of all it was devastating to put my child through the breakup and to have to face a life of divorced parents. But to add on that the burdens of parenting individually was hard. I missed having someone to speak through issues with. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders to provide a great life for my child. When I disagreed with his dad it was incredibly difficult. That feeling of losing some portion of control over your child is the worst feeling ever.

What is the most positive aspect of being a single parent?

My son and I really grew closer. I have never been so close with another human. It was great.

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

My family. My parents are always there when I need them. My sister and cousins make me feel very connected. My bank was very helpful too. I got a loan and was able to make quick moves - bought a car, rented a place, and had my son start preschool all in one week. Grateful for that opportunity.

How has being a single parent changed you as a person, if at all?

It’s taught me strength. It’s made me love more. I appreciate the moment more.

What is a typical day like for you and your child / children?

Now I’m remarried so not sure this applies. I drive my kids to school, work a long day, come home and make dinner, play games and relax.

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent, what would it be?

Find groups of people going through the same thing that you can connect with, even if it’s a Facebook group. Make sure to take care of yourself first. Keep dreaming about what you want. Don’t give up.

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How long have you been a child of a single parent?

I have been a child of a single parent practically all my life. When I was 3 years old, my mother and I moved to the states and our journey alone together began then.

How many brothers and sisters do you have, and how old are they?

I have no brothers or sisters on my mother’s side, but I do have a half-sister on my dad’s side. However, I don’t have much contact with her....



What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

Single parents have to do it all. They have to be the mother, the father, the discipliner, the best friend, the cook, cleaner, provider, the teacher, transportation and more. Single parents get spread very thin and oftentimes forget to take care of themselves because of all their various roles and duties for their love for their child. The greatest challenge is feeling like you can’t rely on anyone else, you are the person for everything and I can only imagine the stress and exhaustion that will cause on someone overtime.

What is the most positive aspect of being a child of a single parent

I had the best relationship with my mom and I can confidently say it is because we had to overcome so many adversities together, build a life in the United States together, accomplish so many dreams together, and always only had each other to experience everything life brings. The bond that we developed is unlike any other bond and so special that only a child of a single parent could understand.

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

Being an immigrant and being a child of a single parent makes having a diverse and large support system growing up very difficult. We didn’t have much family around us, therefore we were each other’s support system. As I grew up other friends and relationships began to contribute to my support system, but my mother was 90% of my support system. It’s beautiful to have such a deep bond but also being so dependent on one person is scary. The day my mom passed away, 90% of my support system was lost and I am now trying to build my support system from scratch.

How has being a child of a single parent shaped you as a person, if at all?

Everything about myself has been shaped around being a child of a single parent. My determination, motivation for life, my resourcefulness, my empathy for people in all situations, and faith is all because of seeing my mother persevere and give me the best life despite all the obstacles of being a single parent. We did not have the most luxurious life or stress free life, but I learned to enjoy the most meaningful aspects of life and learn from all the hardships in order to grow.

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent or is now the child of a single parent, what would it be

I would tell them that everything is going to be good, but you must have a strong faith and positive mindset. My mom set this example throughout my life and I now rely on these two things to get me through the darkest of times and they certainly get me through it every single day. Every job, bill, opportunity, etc., would turn out good for us because of her mindset and faith. All the odds could be up against us but she was always so faithful and full of hope that the miraculous always happened for us. There are characteristics and perspectives about life that only single parents or a child of a single parent can acquire because of the experiences of such a life. It’s beautiful, messy, challenging, but always hopeful. There is nothing a child of a single parent can’t do even if society puts all these labels and barriers up. It is much harder and seems unfair, but that only makes us stronger and helps us continue to be light in a world full of darkness.

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How long have you been a child of a single parent?

I have been a child of a single parent since I was adopted from China at 13 months old.

How many brothers and sisters do you have, and how old are they?

I do not have any brothers or sisters....



What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

I think one of the greatest challenges is balancing work and home life. Since my mom is a single parent, she was juggling work/home life and playing many roles (i.e. Provider, caretaker, teacher, handy-woman, mother, friend, cook, and the list goes on.) Hmmm, maybe this is the obvious one but it is the greatest challenge I can think of. Maybe another challenge is not having a second parent to take turns doing tasks with, or not having someone else there for adult support most of the time.

What is the most positive aspect of being a child of a single parent?

My mother has raised me to be very independent and I am thankful for that. I have learned so much from her and it was great to have a role model like her.

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

For me today, definitely my mom and my boyfriend. Growing up with a single mother, I had other support systems too like friend's parents, my daycare nanny, and close family and friends.

How has being a child of a single parent shaped you as a person, if at all?

As I mentioned earlier, I feel I am a more independent person being raised by a single mother. Growing up, I helped my mom around the house which made me more competent when it was time for me to move out on my own. She also shared with me the importance of financial and social independence. I feel confident traveling alone, doing things on my own, and understand the value of saving money and being able to support myself financially.

I am aware of the effort that my mom put into raising me and what sacrifices she made for me to have the best possible life growing up. I feel I am more thankful for what she did/does as a mom because I know it is more difficult as a single parent. My mom worked at Intel and growing up I would go to daycare after school for about 2 hours until she was done with work when I was too young to stay home alone. Even though I had to go to daycare, I was able to form more friendships than I could've otherwise if I just went straight home after school. I had a lot of opportunities to form relationships with other kids from daycare, summer camps, and other activities. Because of this, I feel like my social intelligence and confidence is stronger because of these experiences.

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent or is now the child of a single parent, what would it be?

The advice I have is to not be afraid to ask for help from others. Another one would be to take small moments (at least!) of each day to spend time with your child. Children thrive when there is security, love, and routine. Reading a book together every night, a TV show, coloring, talking about the day, or something together is what will create lasting memories and form a very special and strong bond as a single parent.

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How long have you been a single parent?

28 years

How many children do you have, and how old are they?

One daughter, 28 years old....



What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

Wondering if you are making the right or best decisions for your child.

What is the most positive aspect of being a single parent?

Strong mother-child bond. Being a single mom has created a unique and unbreakable bond between myself and my daughter.

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

Close friends, they’ve helped with school pick ups or babysitting while I had to work.

How has being a single parent changed you as a person, if at all?

I learned what it feels like to love someone unconditionally; a quality I thought I would never acquire. I learned responsibility in the fact that this little life is relying solely on me to provide and give her all the guidance she needs to become a respected and responsible member of society. With raising my daughter, I also learned to love myself.

What is a typical day like for you and your child / children?

Well when she was little we would wake up, get myself ready for work and my daughter ready for school. Pack a lunch for her and feed her breakfast, drop her off at early morning daycare or school. Pick her up and come home, cook dinner and do chores and finish homework. Bath time then cuddle in bed and read a couple books. Then wake up and do it all over.

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent, what would it be?

The child’s needs come first. Sometimes you need to sacrifice things for yourself to make sure your child has the best life possible. You are the only significant role in your child’s life.

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My story is a bit unique in that I was a single parent with a husband at home. It is hard to describe in a way to get people to understand the dynamics of our home while the kids were growing up. We were a “family” (and I use that term lightly) of four, but truly a family of three – the two kids and myself. Make no mistake that this trio relationship was a beautiful one. I truly loved being a mother in every sense of the word and I cherished every milestone of their growth, as well as all the many memories we made together playing and exploring. Over time we all grew to know nothing more than this relationship we had, minus their father. ... The following is what our norm was: Their dad didn’t participate in our family activities – even getting him to participate in holidays was a fight every single time. He didn’t “parent” or interact much with the children, even on the level of just talking to them. He didn’t help with the day to day needs that kids demand. He didn’t vacation with us, socialize with us, nor did he participate in their sports practices or sport games. He was always the unspoken “elephant” in the room that we tip-toed around.

I never knew the extent of the toll it had on me until one day I literally emotionally shattered. In an unplanned act of survival, I walked away from him after 23 years. One can never truly know, but I often think we would have been better off had I been a single parent in the traditional sense of the word. Seemingly, this would have established a clearer boundary of a defined family structure and offered relief for my children and for myself of continually pursuing his integration into the family unit that never came, as well as the feeling of abandonment and turmoil that followed year after year. There is always a silver lining and I am happy to report my children have been by my side and supportive of me to this very day. He in turn, after 7 years divorced, has still never once come to visit either one of them- true to form to his lack of any semblance of a relationship as described above.

How long have you been a single parent?

My oldest is 28, so I have been a single parent for 28 years.

How many children do you have, and how old are they?

Two children, ages 28 and 24.

What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

For me it is dealing with the guilt of not choosing wisely when I made the decision to have babies with someone who would become a father to my children. Not having the support of a father was a void in the kids’ lives and even more hurtful for them was having the presence of a father that they were in a sense, abandoned by daily.

What is the most positive aspect of being a single parent?

Seeing them grow to be healthy and successful adults who fill my heart with pride. I also very much enjoy the continued evolution of our relationship as they age, mature, and experience their own milestones. I delight in watching!

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

My support system came from my own parents and my grandparents. Both were instrumental in offering me the praise I needed to carry on and loving my children to the fullest extent.

How has being a single parent changed you as a person, if at all?

Truly it was all I knew, however one thing that helps me to this day, is looking back at all the years that I will never get to ‘redo’ and knowing in my heart with all certainty that I did the absolute best I could do with what I knew. That in no way means that I was perfect in my parenting, but in my heart I know that I gave it my all every day. I loved and cherished the moments as we experienced them, and I can be proud of the role and example I demonstrated as their mother.

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent or is now the child of a single parent, what would it be?

Be your best self, which will in turn allow you to be the best parent. Cherish the memories and milestones, as well as the days of exhaustion – it passes too quickly! Take a lot of pictures as they grow – looking back at them now gives me such happiness in my heart. I would have forgotten so much had I not had these photos as a reminder. A second set of advice, specific for today’s society, is for everyone (parents and children alike) to put the electronics down and PLAY together! These outside interferences can wait, but the passing hours, days, and weeks wait for no one.

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So my parents got divorced not too long ago because my dad was physically abusive and my mom was mentally abusive and both of them were in denial and thought the other one was in the wrong. So naturally, they decided to separate which caused a lot of confusion and in my opinion, it was a lot worse than when they were together because there was so much resentment towards each other. And although I tend to wish things went back to the way they were before, I look back and remember how traumatizing it was when they were married so I’m grateful that things are the way they are now even if it’s still confusing and hard to handle. ...

It’s been about 3 years since the divorce. I have 3 sisters. Older sister is 18, younger sisters are 12 and 8. I think the biggest challenge is the stereotypes. It’s definitely caused all of us to be pushed away from people around us and we also pushed away each other. We’ve been put into certain categories and labels that let people define who we are according to their terms and opinions.

From my point of view, I don’t see many positives but one of them would be we understand each other more now and we’ve become more comfortable and open with the idea that we won’t always be a perfect family.

Personally, my support system is my friends. I’ve gained and lost friends but there are certain ones that have been with me through it all and I’m forever grateful that I made the decision to open up to them.

I think the whole experience made me learn how to adapt to new situations fast. I’ve definitely learned to be more understanding and I can relate with a lot of people. And I think one of the biggest would be that it showed me how to handle difficult people under pressure and how to handle myself under life threatening situations.

I would tell them that they don’t need to do anything alone and accept help. To not feel guilty for something you can’t control. And as hard as it is, don’t give up on yourself or anyone else, everyone handles pain in different ways, be patient with other people and be easy on yourself, its going to take a while to process all of life events, so cut yourself some slack, everything happens for a reason.

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How long have you been a single parent?

I have been a single parent since 1991.

How many children do you have, and how old are they?

I have 2 children ages 45 and 41....



What is the greatest challenge to single parenting that nobody seems to mention?

The emotional toll that it takes on you. It is tough trying to do it all and trying to help the children be mentally ok with the changes in their lives.

What is the most positive aspect of being a single parent?

The most positive aspect is not having to deal with all of the stress of a bad relationship. You can focus on the children in a positive way.

Who or what is it that makes up your support system?

My family, close friends and a good therapist helped me tremendously to get through it all.

How has being a single parent changed you as a person, if at all?

Being a single parent made me realize how strong I was. It gave me more confidence in life. I was willing to do things that I would have been afraid to try before. (Like eating mud for a beanie) LOL!

What is a typical day like for you and your child / children?

My children are grown now, but right after the divorce I bought a car for my older daughter so that she could take herself and her sister to school, etc. I was working overtime a lot trying to pay for everything that we needed. My daughters were in color-guard at school, so we were always extremely busy!

If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who has become a single parent, what would it be?

My advice would be to get as much help as you can from family and friends. And get some counseling for yourself and the children! Most importantly, spend as much time as you can with your children. I fell far short in this, and I will regret it always! I know that this is more than one piece of advice, but it is all good.

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My story began really before my child was born; my story will be very different than most single parents in my opinion. It was 1989 I found out I was pregnant with my son; my husband at that time was in and out of jail. I was unsure what to do, where to go, who to tell or not tell. My family and I had not spoken in almost 3 year due to my husband being black and me being white. My Husband; who is yes my son’s father was a serious crack cocaine user, alcoholic, sold drugs, and used women for money to support his habit and so on. So here I was pregnant and all alone in so many ways, it was hard. I did not have anyone I could trust, talk too, or ask for help. December 1989, on my birthday as a matter of fact I found out via ultrasound I was indeed going to have a boy. ...

****** was with me on that one and only appointment only because we were headed to Seattle for a basketball tournament after the Appointment. I was numb; everything was moving super slow in my mind, what was I going to do, what was I doing?! Where would I go, how would I take care of a baby?! My mind was racing for days after that appointment. See not only was ****** a serious drug user he would also not work! He was very allergic to work, that’s a joke, not really ha! I had very little time to feel sorry for myself; tears were not something I could afford to shed. So from December 14, 1989 to Jan 1 1990 I was trapped in my mind trying to figure out which way to turn. Without disappointment ****** per his standard in our relationship never came home, if he was not in jail he was living on the streets drugging it up. Our relationship was violent to say the least; if he was not high he was drunk. I did not see him from Christmas eve 1989 until he showed up at my parents house because he decided to come home New Years Day January 1, 1990 only to find that I had packed up everything I could in my little car and was gone. In true form things got crazy, ****** was scary. It was 3 months and 2 days later I gave birth to my son, of course by now my family had decided to take us in with open arms. I mean after all it was an innocent baby! I remember when my son and I got to have some time alone that evening he was born; he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen! He was so little; he was happy, barely cried, and just beautiful. I remember the conversation he and I had that night, I made him a promise that I would do everything and anything to make sure he got every chance in the world to have a good life, a better life than what I had. He would have everything that two parents could give him; he was the center of my universe. ****** came to visit him/us the afternoon he was born, he stayed maybe 15 minutes after that we rarely saw him. Which was a blessing in the long run, I was so afraid that he would do something to me and *****. Many times after ***** was born ****** would stalk me, run me off the road on my way to work with Kevan in the car, threaten to take ***** and sell him and I would never see him again, break into my work truck, break into any and every apartment I live only to beat me or more.

So now that ***** and I had an understanding that I was going to work to give him everything our lives began. We went home the next morning, to my mother’s house. Where I had to hear I told you so, the judgment from my family was suffocating. The negativity, the looks, and the disappointment I got to hear and feel from my family was something I had not seen coming. I mean family is supposed to love you no matter what, right? So now the real journey begins, at this point single parent knows who is on their side and work must be done. I got a job driving a delivery truck, with a small company that did not want to hire me because I was a girl. I hear the owner talking to the supervisor that point blank said, I don’t want to hire a woman. I found myself doing something I never in a million years thought I could do. Let alone felt like I had to do it. I stepped out of the warehouse and faced both men, I politely let them know if they did not hire me I was going to the Urban League to tell them ya’ll would not hire me because of my sex. Well I got the job! They were not disappointed I worked for that company for 3 years, I then went on to get a position with Federal Express, UPS was offering as well. One of the questions is what/who your support system was; I realized at that point in my life that I had colleges that I worked with that believed in me. I had 5-6 UPS delivery guys that I shared my route with that encouraged me, there were just as many Federal Express drivers that felt the same, I delivered in heavy industrial and there were several big rig driver that supported me as well that I never expected. It was such an empowering feeling that someone believed in me and that I could do the job that supported my child. Your support systems as a single parent comes from those you least expect and most times it is not family.

When I took my position with Federal Express I had clients that would give me fruit and veggies from their garden. Food was the biggest challenge, I remember thinking ok if Federal Express is feeding us dinner that is one meal ahead for the week. I was paid weekly so I had to make things work from week to week. I would take food home from work that was a life saver!

My saving grace as well was my best friends at the time took care of the daycare piece of things. *** (friend) was like a sister and she took care of ***** while I was at work, as our as our friendship grew life got a bit easier as we would all have dinner every night together. Her and her husband were friends of my now ex-husband however stuck with me even though I was not with ******. She was like a mother to my child which I was so grateful that I had found such a a person that would love my child like their own. I knew if something ever happened to me my child would know a mother’s love. A real mother’s love and that was a big FEAR I had being a single parent.

I am a true single parent, my child’s father has never give one penny to help support him, not a meal, not a ride home from school, not hey he is sick I can watch him while you go to work, nothing! I have been a single parent for 60 years it makes no difference how old my child gets I am a single parent; I have only one child and he is 60 as of April 3, 2020.

The greatest challenge of being a single parent that nobody talks about is the mental challenges of a single parent. Not only was I white female with a bi-racial boy child, I was a single parent with no college education, no real support from family due to the race challenges in our world. I had no one to talk to, I would go to bed at night thinking did I make the right decisions, did I do everything I could do today, did I hug my child enough today, does my child know I love him today. I was and still am very hard on myself in the aspects of have I don’t all I can do and is it good enough? At 53 I still have that conversation going on and I don’t suspect it will ever stop. As a single parent I feel there is more that I can do and it is never enough for the world so I work harder and harder every day.

The most positive aspect of being a single parent for me; I was in a horrible, abusive, non-loving relationship. When I found out that I was having a son something in my mind said wait, stop! You do not want your son to think that the way his dad treats you is the way he is supposed to treat you. I did not want my child to treat other women the way his dad treated me. He saved my life, if it has not been for him I could have been beaten everyday for who knows how long and or what the outcome could have really been. My child is my hero, he gives me the strength to push myself to be successful, kind, caring, helpful, and truthful.

What changed me; I was a quiet, shy girl growing up. I was sweet, gentle, trusted people, cared about people and I loved to work. I did not have a close relationship with my mother and my dad was killed when I was 2. I have always been a loner but I was a nicer person before I got involved with ******. Through it all it has made me a stronger person and has shown me I can do so much more that I ever imagined. More than people in my life ever imagined.

Advice for a single parent; keep pushing you can do anything you set your mind to do not let the outside world condition your life. Things might take longer than you planned but don’t give up, ever! Some of the best people I know are single parents and a lot of children I know that are simply amazing are a product of a single parent. The world is hard and not kind to single parents just know that however don’t let it keep you down.

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